When Dreams Tremble Read online

  outside school or walk down to the lake, and talk. Except once. Just once,

  Leslie had ridden on the back of Dev’s motorcycle, laughing and pressed up

  against her with her arms around Dev’s waist. Dev had been nearly light-headed

  from the sensation of Leslie’s breasts against her back. She cherished the

  memory, revisiting it nearly nightly before she went to sleep, coming sometimes

  while imagining Leslie’s arms around her.

  “Go. That’s cool,” Dev said, sensing Leslie’s friend waiting impatiently. “I just

  wanted to…” See you again. Tell you how hard it’s going to be when you

  leave. How much I’m going to miss you. How empty I feel inside.

  Maybe something showed in her face, because Leslie said, “You go ahead, Sue.

  I’ll catch you in a little while.”

  When Sue made an exasperated sound and melted into the crowd, Leslie took

  Dev’s hand and jumped down from the windowsill. “Come on. Let’s go for a

  walk.”

  Leslie only touched her Þ ngers for a second, but Dev’s legs felt shaky. Mutely,

  she followed, tied to Leslie by that invisible string she could always feel, tugging

  her back to her even when she knew she should stay away.

  “God, I feel so much better out here,” Leslie said as they walked along the

  water’s edge, leaving the boathouse and the noise and the smoke behind. She

  sat down on one of the park benches her parents had placed around the lake for

  the guests and tilted her head back. “I wonder if the stars will look like this in the

  city.”

  Dev didn’t know. She’d never been to a big city. Her parents never took a

  vacation, they never left the store in anyone else’s hands.

  “Probably. I think they’re everywhere.”

  Leslie turned her head on the bench and smiled at Dev. “Yeah, probably.”

  Dev didn’t mean to kiss her. She didn’t even know she’d moved

  • 35 •

  RADCLY fFE

  until her lips touched Leslie’s. She’d never imagined Leslie’s lips would be so

  warm and soft. Dev slid trembling Þ ngers over Leslie’s throat, felt Leslie’s heart

  racing just beneath her skin. Then Dev was suddenly aware of Leslie’s hand

  stroking the back of her neck, of Leslie kissing her back, pushing against her so

  that their breasts touched through the whisper-thin layers of their cotton T-shirts.

  Leslie moaned softly and the dam inside Dev’s heart broke and everything she’d

  been holding back forever spilled out.

  “Oh, Les,” Dev whispered. She framed Leslie’s face with her hands, kissed her

  again, angling her body onto Leslie so that their legs entwined. Leslie grasped

  her waist, holding her close. Dev groaned.

  “Les, I lo—”

  “Jesus! Fuck!”

  Someone grabbed Dev’s shoulder from behind and yanked her off Leslie,

  throwing her to the ground hard enough to knock the wind from her. Stunned,

  Dev gasped and fought to catch her breath. A foot drove into her side, and she

  groaned and curled into a ball.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Leslie’s boyfriend Mike shouted.

  Distantly, Dev heard Leslie screaming for Mike to stop. She didn’t care about

  the pain in her side or the next blow that landed on her hip, or the next. Or the

  next. Nothing that ever happened to her again could hurt as much as what she

  heard Leslie shout.

  Mike, it was just a joke! I was just fooling with her. She doesn’t mean

  anything to me. She’s nobody!

  Dev blinked in the bright sunlight and stared at Leslie’s mother.

  “…can’t thank you enough,” Eileen said. “As long as you’re sure it’s no

  trouble.”

  “No,” Dev said, forcing a smile though her face felt numb. “No trouble at all.”

  • 36 •

  WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Ten minutes before the Amtrak Adirondack was expected to arrive in

  Rensselaer, Dev pulled into a parking slot opposite the metal stairs leading down

  from the train tracks. She sat watching the platform, Þ ngers curled around the

  steering wheel as if to ground herself Þ rmly in the present, wondering if she

  would recognize the girl who had Þ lled her heart and dreams for so long, grown

  into a woman now. Had she known it was Leslie arriving in need of a ride when

  she’d talked with Eileen Harris, she wouldn’t have volunteered to pick her up.

  She doubted it would be a comfortable ride back for either of them.

  Even though her Þ rst thought had been of Leslie when she’d received the

  memo outlining the details and location of her new assignment, she hadn’t

  seriously expected to run into her over the summer. The last time she’d been in

  the area—on a one-night stopover six years before to wish her parents well in

  their move to a retirement community in Florida—she’d made careful inquiries

  about Leslie Harris with some of the locals. The story had always been the

  same.

  Leslie was one of the young, ambitious up-and-comers who had left the

  provincial village never to return, and no one could recall seeing her in years.

  Like Dev, she had moved on.

  Leslie’s mother had said she was an attorney in Manhattan.

  Dev remembered all the hours Leslie had spent explaining to her about

  landscape architecture and how she wanted to create outdoor environments

  where people could live in harmony with nature. She was going to come back to

  the lake area and open a practice. Maybe work with the park services. It

  sounded inspiring and meaningful, and Dev had fallen a little bit more in love with

  her every time they talked

  • 37 •

  RADCLY fFE

  about it. She had had no such grand designs for her own life, but Leslie hadn’t

  seemed to think less of her for it. When Dev had mumbled that she didn’t have

  any plans, Leslie had just smiled and said there was plenty of time to decide.

  Leslie had apparently made different choices after she’d left Bolton Landing for

  Yale. Dev doubted she would recognize the idealistic young girl now. At any

  rate, she would soon know, because a series of whistle blows alerted Dev to the

  train arriving. A sudden case of nerves set her stomach jittering as she watched

  the passengers exit the station.

  She’d been wrong about not recognizing her. Leslie had changed, just as Dev

  had, but Dev knew her the instant she started down the stairs, an expensivelooking

  leather briefcase swinging from a strap over one shoulder and a suitcase

  in the other hand. She was far thinner than Dev ever remembered her being, her

  face and body sculpted by maturity. An atmosphere of tension surrounded her.

  Even at a distance her body seemed tightly coiled, wary and alert—predatory.

  Up close, her blue eyes were cool and appraising. She was beautiful in a way

  she hadn’t been as a teenager, the innocence having given way to razor-sharp

  elegance. But for just a second Dev saw the air shimmering around her and

  imagined she felt the tug of the invisible string that had once connected them.

  As Dev stepped from the truck, she reminded herself that that tie had only been

  in her mind and that it had been irrevocably severed long ago.

  v

  Leslie stop
ped at the curb and scanned the parking lot for her mother’s ancient

  Jeep. Rensselaer was not a busy stop on the train route, and there were only a

  handful of cars waiting. Her mother’s wasn’t among them.

  “Damn,” she muttered, sliding her hand into her briefcase and unerringly closing

  her Þ ngers around her BlackBerry. She’d just pulled up the lodge number,

  since her mother didn’t have a cell phone, when someone spoke her name.

  Startled, Leslie looked up into hazel eyes that she knew better than her own and

  tumbled back in time Þ fteen years.

  • 38 •

  WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

  Leslie wasn’t all that surprised that the party was turning into a drag. Mike

  was drinking too much as usual and generally being an asshole. Fortunately, he

  was off playing pool and at least leaving her alone for the time being. She hated

  it when he put on a big show of making out with her in public. As if she was

  going to let him feel her up in front of all his buddies. Yeah right.

  Restless, not knowing why, she left him to his game and drifted away from the

  crowd. It was so hot and stuffy in the room and the beer was already too warm

  and she knew she should be having a good time, but she wasn’t. She was sad.

  She shouldn’t be sad, and that just made it worse. She’d just graduated from

  high school at the top of her class and she was going to a great college.

  Everything was turning out just the way she’d hoped. Well, Mike wasn’t going

  to the same school.

  His grades weren’t good enough. But he wouldn’t be that far away and she

  didn’t really mind if she didn’t see him all that often anyhow.

  Sometimes, she was glad that she’d be with new people who didn’t know her.

  It felt almost as if she’d be starting her life all over again, and that part was

  exciting.

  So why was she so sad?

  She unlatched the huge wooden-paned window, swung it out over the water,

  and climbed up onto the broad sill. She leaned her head back as the breeze

  washed over her and watched the moon ß it in and out between the clouds. It

  was amazing how bright the night sky could be.

  It wasn’t really black at all, more like a dark, dark blue. It was beautiful.

  She’d miss the lake and the woods and the way the air smelled like it had never

  been breathed before. And there was something more important that she would

  miss. Something she knew she should understand, but she couldn’t Þ nd the

  words. Every time she tried, all she felt was frustration and, oddly, fear. That

  was just crazy and, besides, she could always come back, so there was no

  reason to feel sad about anything.

  Leslie jumped at the sudden cold on her leg and heard the voice she been

  waiting for all night but hadn’t expected to hear.

  “Dev! I thought you said you weren’t coming.”

  Even in the moonlight, the smile in Dev’s eyes was clear. As Leslie reached for

  the beer, her Þ ngers glanced over Dev’s, and although she gave it no more than

  an instant’s thought, she felt her sadness wash away.

  • 39 •

  RADCLY fFE

  Leslie Harris saw no sign of a smile in those eyes now, not that she would have

  expected one. Annoyed at the uncharacteristic slip in her concentration and

  where her thoughts had taken her, she kept her expression neutral as she rapidly

  regrouped. The fragments of a past that felt as if it belonged to someone else

  melted away like frost on a windowpane, leaving nothing behind but an

  unnoticed trail of tears.

  Then she was herself again, calculating and in control. “Hello, Dev.”

  “Hi, Les,” Dev said.

  “My guess is this isn’t a coincidence.” Leslie suspected her displeasure showed

  in her voice, because Dev shrugged apologetically.

  “Your mother’s Jeep is on the fritz, and since I’m staying at the lodge, I offered

  to pick you up. Sorry.”

  “No, I appreciate it. Thanks.” Unconsciously, Leslie studied her the way she

  would a prospective witness, searching for the whole truth, the real story. It

  disturbed her when she couldn’t read anything in Dev’s face. “I hope you didn’t

  go out of your way.”

  “No. I was in the area.” Dev lifted Leslie’s suitcase. “My truck’s over here.”

  “Would you mind waiting just a minute while I get a cup of coffee in the station?

  Whatever they were trying to pass off as coffee on the train was undrinkable.”

  “Sure. That black Chevy is mine.”

  “Can I get you anything?”

  “A Coke would be great. Thanks.”

  God, this is going to be an interminable ride home, Leslie thought as she

  stood in line at the coffee bar. Maybe I should rethink my plans for this visit

  if we might run into each other again.

  “Large black coffee and a Coke, please,” Leslie said automatically while

  checking her BlackBerry for messages. She didn’t give a second thought to the

  fact that she was supposed to limit her coffee consumption. Upon her release

  from the hospital the previous afternoon, part of the discharge instructions had

  been no caffeine—along with an admonition to avoid chocolate, get plenty of

  rest, reduce her stress level, and schedule the follow-up tests as soon as

  possible. She’d also been given a prescription for a blood pressure med and

  verapamil, which was supposed to keep her heart rate from rising too rapidly.

  Thus far, her only form of compliance had been to limit her morning coffee to

  three cups instead of Þ ve.

  • 40 •

  WHEN DREAMS TREMBLE

  The fact was, she felt perfectly Þ ne.

  By the time she’d gotten home the night before, she’d decided that the severity

  of the entire episode had been vastly exaggerated. Whatever had happened

  could easily be chalked up to a few days of excessive stress and poor eating

  habits. Since she’d already cleared her calendar, and she’d still be able to work

  while upstate, she decided to go through with her plans to spend a week or two

  with her parents. Other than that, as far as she was concerned it was back to

  business as usual.

  As she carried the drinks to the truck, she observed Dev through the window. If

  they had passed in the parking lot, Leslie wasn’t sure she would have

  recognized her, although she certainly would have given her an appreciative

  glance. Her hair was still on the shaggy side, but Dev had Þ lled out and grown

  another inch or two, and she’d been taller than Leslie even in high school. Back

  then Dev had been wiry and wild, and now she was broad shouldered and

  muscular looking in her white button-down-collar shirt and black jeans. It

  wasn’t just Dev’s body that had changed. They had once shared effortless

  communication, but now all she felt was a distant reserve. That was good,

  because the last thing she wanted was a trip down memory lane.

  “Here you go.” Leslie passed the Coke across the passenger compartment

  before grasping the handle above the door and climbing into the truck. Her skirt

  rode up to mid-thigh before she had a chance to pull it down, but she noticed

  out of the corner of her eye that Dev stared straight ahead out the windshield.

  Leslie was slightly and
quite irrationally annoyed at being pointedly ignored, not

  that she wanted Dev to pay that kind of attention to her.

  “Thanks.” Dev slotted the Coke into the cup holder on the dash and started the

  truck. She pulled out of the parking lot, rapidly maneuvered the bypasses

  around Albany and Troy, and headed north on Interstate 87.

  Fifteen minutes passed in silence before Dev said, “Your mother tells me you’re

  a lawyer.”

  “Yes. I’m a partner in a law Þ rm in Manhattan.”

  “Partner already. You must’ve worked your ass off,” Dev said, duly impressed.

  “Not really,” Leslie said, unbuttoning her blazer as the cab warmed up in the late

  afternoon sun. She wore an off-white silk shell beneath it, conscious of the fact

  that a hint of her lace bra showed through when her blazer was open. Whereas

  Dev felt like a stranger— was a

  • 41 •

  RADCLY fFE

  stranger—Leslie was acutely conscious of her presence. Even if she had known

  nothing about her, Leslie would have assumed she was a lesbian. Dev was

  undeniably attractive in a rough, earthy kind of way.

  But the last thing in the world she wanted was for Dev Weber to have the

  slightest indication that she found her attractive.

  Dev looked in Leslie’s direction for the Þ rst time, her expression one of mild

  disbelief at Leslie’s easy dismissal of her accomplishments.

  Dev’s glance drifted down, taking in Leslie’s long legs, sleek beneath her sheer

  silk stockings, and the swell of her breasts beneath silk and lace. Leslie had

  turned into the beautiful woman that the lovely teenager had foreshadowed.

  Maybe it was the unexpected juxtaposition of the woman upon her memory of

  the girl, because Dev ventured into territory she had never meant to revisit.

  “What happened to landscape architecture?”

  Taken by surprise at the question very few people in her life knew her well

  enough to ask, Leslie laughed harshly. “I haven’t thought of that in ages. It was

  just one of those things that kids think they want before they know anything

  about life. Once I got to college, everything changed.”

  No, Dev wanted to say, it changed long before that. But then she realized that

  was just her truth, not Leslie’s.

  “So you like what you’re doing?” Dev asked, hoping to Þ ll the time with safe

  conversation until they reached the lake and could politely go their separate