Love's Masquerade Page 25

  “Coat,” Auden murmured, stroking Hays’s cheek and moving back a step. “Rose.”

  “Oh. Yes.” Hays blinked and her vision cleared a little. Then she grinned. “Rune would have a sexy line right about now.”

  “You don’t need one.”

  “Maybe later.”

  “Mmm,” Auden acknowledged, unable to take her eyes from Hays’s face.

  “The living room is just up the hall to your right. Let me do something with these.” Hays indicated the things she still held in her hands.

  “All right.” What Auden really wanted to do was follow her around the house. She didn’t want Hays out of her sight. Wondering if this feeling was normal or merely a result of fear, she forced herself to smile. “Go ahead. I’ll find it.”

  Auden stood in front of the fireplace, watching the burning logs, when Hays returned. Smiling softly, she said, “Your home is beautiful.”

  “Thanks.” Hays stopped a few feet away. “Would you like a tour now or after dinner?”

  “Dinner first, I think.”

  Hays held out her hand and Auden took it, following into the dining room. The room was high-ceilinged and lit with another chandelier that cast warm shadows over the space. The formal table had been laid with two settings, one at the end and the other immediately beside it. Silver covered serving dishes sat on adjacent warmers. Very elegant. Very intimate.

  “This is wonderful,” Auden breathed.

  “Rune’s idea.”

  Auden laughed out loud. “Of course. She lives here, too, I take it?”

  Hays grinned. “Mostly upstairs in the study.”

  “Will you show me later? I’d like to see where you work.”

  “Anything you like.” Hays pulled out Auden’s chair for her, then took the adjoining seat. She leaned over to lift a bottle of wine from a standing wine cooler, then held it up for Auden’s inspection. “May I?”

  “Yes, please.” Auden indicated the serving dishes as Hays poured. “Shall I get us started?”

  Hays nodded, and they passed plates back and forth in silence for a moment. After the first few bites, Auden closed her eyes and moaned softly. “Tell me you cooked this.”

  “Uh...no.” Hays sighed loudly. “Damn, and I so wanted to impress you.”

  Smiling, Auden shook her head. “I’m actually glad that you didn’t. I’m not sure I could ever match this as it is.”

  “You don’t need to,” Hays said seriously, taking Auden’s hand and raising it to her lips. She kissed her palm. “This is to say thank you.”

  “Don’t,” Auden whispered, the meal forgotten as she watched Hays’s mouth lightly touch her skin. “Don’t ever say thank you to me for loving you.”

  Hays stiffened, her eyes growing opaque. “Auden, no.”

  “Oh God, I really said that, didn’t I?” Auden closed her fingers around Hays’s hand, sensing that she was about to draw away. “Well, it’s true. I won’t take it back.”

  “You can’t,” Hays said quietly. “We can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  Hays lowered their joined hands to the table and stared at them, hers so much paler than Auden’s even now, when she was about as healthy as she ever could be. “You know why not.”

  “No, I don’t,” Auden said clearly. “I know you’re ill. That doesn’t mean we can’t have something together.”

  “We can date.” Hays didn’t look at her.

  “Fine. I’d like that. My turn to surprise you next time.” Auden watched Hays carefully. It was the first time she could ever recall that Hays wouldn’t meet her eyes.

  “It can’t be serious.”

  “It already is.” Auden shifted her chair and put her free hand under Hays’s jaw, very gently turning her head. When Hays finally looked into her eyes, she demanded, “Tell me it isn’t.”

  Hays was silent for a long moment, then shook her head. “I can’t let you do this.”

  “Which part would you like to stop? The part where we talk, or the part where we work together, or the part where we touch?” Auden took a steadying breath. “It’s all part of what we have, and I don’t want to give any of it up. I want more, not less.”

  “Is six months, a year, going to be enough?” Hays’s voice was harsh, heavy with anger and frustration.

  “No, it isn’t,” Auden said softly. “Not nearly enough. But it’s a start.”

  “You know—”

  “What about the bone marrow transplant?”

  “Jesus...” Hays rocked back in her seat. “How do you know about that?”

  “Gayle.”

  Hays closed her eyes. “It’s not that simple.”

  “Yes, I got that much from what Gayle told me, and I’ll admit I don’t understand it all. So help me.”

  “This was supposed to be a romantic evening and look what’s happened to it.” Hays sat forward, her expression intent. “Is this what you want your life to be about? Talking about my illness? Thinking about my future, what there is of it?”

  “No, it isn’t. But this is part of being with you, so I’d like to talk about it now.” Auden leaned forward and kissed the tip of Hays’s chin. “And then I’d like to spend the rest of the evening thinking about how much I love the way you look at me.”

  Hays groaned. “You aren’t going to be reasonable, are you?”

  “I’ll try to be,” Auden replied, completely serious. “Explain to me why you haven’t had the transplant.”

  “Because the quality of my life has been decent, and I have things to do with the time I have left.” Hays’s voice was low, heavy with resignation and the finality of acceptance. “I don’t want to waste any of it, and the transplant might not work.” Hays looked into Auden’s eyes. “Six months is precious if you only have twelve.”

  Auden was suddenly very cold, and she tried not to shiver. She put her hands in her lap and clasped her fingers together. The room was pleasantly warm, but her body was ice. “But you’ll do it, if...there’s no other choice?”

  “I don’t know,” Hays said quietly. “I hate the idea of being helpless, of letting them kill off what’s left of my defenses. Of dying without even being able to fight.”

  Auden couldn’t stand it. She couldn’t have this conversation while being this far away from Hays. There was so much more they had to discuss, but she needed surcease, just for a little while, from the pain. “Do you think we could cover the food and sit by the fire for a minute? I’m freezing.”

  “Of course.” Hays stood, her expression instantly concerned. “Don’t you feel well?”

  “No, I’m fine. Just a chill.” She stood, taking Hays’s hand, and nodded toward the living room. “How about sitting next to me and sharing a little body heat?”

  Hays slid her arm around Auden’s waist, instantly comforted by the embrace. She grabbed the wine bottle with her free hand. “Get the glasses. I think we can take care of this.”

  Five minutes later, they were curled up on the sofa facing the fire, which Hays had stoked with several more logs. Auden reclined in the curve of Hays’s body, her feet tucked beneath her, her shoes abandoned on the floor. Hays had covered them with a knitted afghan and had one arm around Auden’s shoulders, her cheek resting against Auden’s temple. “Better?”

  “Mmm,” Auden sighed. “Wonderful.”

  Hays kissed her temple, then the angle of her jaw. “You’re very beautiful.”

  “Thank you.” Auden nestled against Hays’s chest and watched the flames dance, listening to the steady beat of Hays’s heart. Such an incredible, miraculous thing—this woman, this life. She thought of Rune’s scene of two uncertain lovers seated before a fire and how they had eventually surrendered to desire. She remembered the passion and the tenderness and the sweet, sweet longing as if those feelings had been her own. Suddenly, she wanted to live, not just dream, that moment with Hays. “I want to make love with you tonight.”

  “I want you, too,” Hays breathed against her ear. “So much I can’t think of
anything else.”

  “Is there anything we need to be careful about?” Auden tilted her head, searched Hays’s face. “Could I hurt you somehow?”

  “No.” Hays kissed Auden’s forehead. “No.”

  “You’re sure? The...bleeding?”

  Hays shook her head. “I’ve just been transfused. I can tell when my counts are dropping. Headaches, bruises, and then the bleeding starts. I’m okay now.”

  Auden turned so that she was lying in Hays’s lap, her breasts against Hays’s, her arms around Hays’s neck. “Good. Because I have this terrible, terrible need to touch you everywhere, and I can’t guarantee your safety.”

  Hays laughed, her heart lifting at the teasing note in Auden’s voice. “How come I’m not scared?”

  “I don’t know,” Auden murmured, working on the buttons of Hays’ shirt with one hand. “You should be.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Hays looked down and watched the delicate fingers open her shirt. Her entire body tensed , anticipating their touch. The room was cast in shadows, red tinged with bursts of orange reflected from the fire. Auden’s face was part in shadow, part illuminated by firelight. It reminded Hays of the night in the hotel , only then, the reflections on the exquisite planes of Auden’s face had been from moonlight on the snow. That night had been mystical; tonight was breathtakingly real. Both were magic.

  “Are you still cold?” Hays whispered.

  “No.” Auden’s voice was hoarse and low. She was intent on removing the barriers between them, swamped with the sudden need to feel the heat of Hays’ skin.

  Hays pushed the afghan aside, then drew a sharp breath as Auden’s fingers slid beneath her shirt and over her breast. Her nipples contracted sharply and an answering twinge echoed between her thighs. She yearned for Auden’s touch, but even more, she was desperate to touch her.

  “Straddle me,” Hays murmured as she reached to undo Auden’s blouse .

  Auden shifted until she was on her knees above Hays’s lap, her hands moving automatically to Hays’ shoulders for support. When Hays opened the last button, slid the silk from Auden’s shoulders and, with one hand , released the clasp on the sheer lace brassiere, Auden’s bare breasts were a breath away from Hays’s lips.

  “You’re perfect,” Hays said softly as she let the garments fall. Cradling both breasts in her palms, she pressed them together and lowered her head.

  “ Oh yes.” Auden arched her back, her lids closing, as she felt her nipple drawn into the warmth of Hays’s mouth. The sensation was at once soothing and stimulating. She felt cherished even as her body ignited with arousal. Threading her fingers into Hays’s hair, she drew her lover’s face more closely to her flesh. “Harder,” she whispered. “Take me harder.”

  Groaning, Hays softly licked first one nipple, then the other, until they hardened and contracted with the merest brush of her tongue. She sucked them between her lips, tormented them with her tongue, teased them with her teeth until Auden made small mewling sounds and rocked her hips urgently in Hays’s lap.

  “Can you come like this?” Hays asked, her mouth still on Auden’s breasts, her chest heaving. The intensity of Auden’s response was breathtaking, and Hays’s head was light with excitement.

  “I...I don’t know. God, it’s wonderful.” Auden pulled Hays’s head back and searched her face, her vision so clouded with need that it was difficult for her to focus. Despite the demanding pulsations that hammered through her depths with each heartbeat, it was the fierce lust in Hays’s expression that sent her soaring. “If you...keep doing that...I think I will. I...want to.”

  “I love to feel you come.”

  “Make me.”

  “Soon.” Hays kept one breast in her hand, lightly biting the nipple, as she slid her palm down Auden’s bare abdomen and loosened the waistband on her slacks. She felt Auden tense and drew her mouth away for an instant. “It’s all right. Just let me have you.”

  “Yes. Yes.” Auden closed her eyes again and lowered her head until her forehead rested against Hays’s hair. She wrapped her arms around Hays’ shoulders, keeping her lover close in the circle of her embrace. Her thighs quivered continuously as the pressure built. Her breath made a small sobbing sound as she gasped with each pinpoint of pleasure streaking from her breast. She ached to come, but she did not want the ecstasy to end. “Go slow. Oh please, go slow.”

  Hays continued to caress one nipple as she pressed a hand inside Auden’s slacks, between her legs, and gently enclosed her tense clitoris between her fingers. At the measured, torturous caress, Auden gave a small cry and thrust spasmodically into Hays’s palm.

  “Easy, darling,” Hays soothed, her lips on Auden’s neck. “Easy.”

  “You’ll make me come,” Auden cried desperately, her head thrown back, her fingers gripping Hays’s back. “Oh, you will.”

  Hays stilled her movements, but kept her fingers resting lightly between Auden’s thighs. Incredibly aroused herself, Hays was gasping for breath, her heart pounding erratically. She wanted to pleasure Auden, but she wanted to claim her as well. It took every ounce of willpower she had not to push inside her, to possess her immediately. When Auden’s frantic motion slowed, Hays began again, sliding her fingers between swollen folds, drawing moisture from Auden’s depths, steadily stroking her clitoris. With her ear now pressed to Auden’s heart, Hays led her close to orgasm and then backed off, time and again.

  “Oh please,” Auden choked, grasping Hays’s wrist in one hand then forcing the tormenting fingers inside the places that screamed to be filled, “let me come now.”

  Wrapping an arm around Auden’s waist, Hays braced her legs and pushed deeper. The sudden pressure caused Auden to rear back as she cried out her pleasure. “I’ve got you,” Hays groaned, unable to temper her own rampant need. She pressed her palm hard against Auden’s clitoris with each forceful stroke, her pace escalating until Auden stiffened and jerked once, violently, in her arms.

  “Oh Hays,” Auden cried, clutching Hays’s arms as she bent double under the force of the raging orgasm. Then she collapsed, burying her tear-streaked face in Hays’s neck. “Unbelievable...oh God...”

  Hays stilled her motions but remained inside, marveling at the small contractions that rippled around her fingers. Stroking Auden’s hair with her free hand, she kissed the damp skin of Auden’s temple. “You are so incredible.”

  “I love you,” Auden sighed, unable to move a single muscle.

  God help me, I want it. Hays closed her eyes tightly, pressing her cheek to the top of Auden’s head. Gently, she leaned to the side and stretched out on the couch, cradling Auden against her until they were lying side by side. Blindly, she groped around, found the afghan, and pulled it over them. With Auden’s head pillowed on her shoulder, she was supremely satisfied.

  “Hays?” Auden’s voice was somnolent and a bit slurred.

  “Hmm?”

  “Aren’t you...shouldn’t I...?”

  Hays laughed. “Am I turned on? Christ, yes. Like exploding head kind of turned on, and no, you don’t need to do anything right now. It’s fun to wait sometimes.” She kissed Auden, enjoying the way her lips felt, soft and swollen with sex. “And I love holding you, feeling your body relax, knowing I’ve satisfied you.”

  “Satisfied me,” Auden mumbled, burrowing closer, one leg resting between Hays’s. “Ha.”

  As Auden’s breathing eased into the cadence of sleep, Hays watched the fire slowly burn to flickering embers. She kissed the corner of Auden’s mouth and saw the ghost of a smile. Her heart was so full, she ached.

  Very softly she breathed, “I love you, sweet Auden.”

  Auden awoke in the darkened room. The fire had long since burned out, and the house was completely still. She lay against Hays’ side, her cheek on Hays’s chest. It amazed her how normal it felt to wake up in Hays’s arms when it was, in fact, such a new experience.

  Everything about being with Hays had that strange duality, of being at once some
thing so familiar and, at the same time, so wholly foreign. Hays’s hands on her skin, inside her body, was an entirely new sensation, and yet, the joining was so completely right that it felt natural. Giving herself to Hays physically, being claimed by her, was exhilarating and so much more satisfying than she had imagined sex would be. She had anticipated pleasure, but she had expected something similar to the release she had enjoyed by her own hand. She’d been wrong. What she experienced when Hays touched her—when she surrendered all control, loosed all restraints, bared all of her defenses—went far beyond the physical. As she climaxed in Hays’s arms, she was no longer alone. That primal connection was more powerful than anything she had ever dreamed, and she knew, without doubt, that she never wanted to lose it. She tightened her hold on the woman in her arms. I never want to lose you.

  Eventually, Auden lifted her head and kissed the side of Hays’s neck. “Sweetheart?”

  “Hmm?” Hays’s voice was drowsy.

  “We should put the food away and go to bed.”

  “You uncomfortable? It’s so peaceful here.”

  “It is.” Auden ran her hand down Hays’ stomach and along one lean thigh. “It’s wonderful. But I want very much to be close to you with nothing separating us, not even clothes...and if we get naked here, we’ll freeze.”

  Hays felt a stirring in her stomach at the light caresses. “Well, since you put it that way.” She pushed back the cover and slowly sat up. “I’ll show you the bedroom and then come down and put the food away.”

  “Thanks. I’d love to jump into the shower before bed.”

  “No problem.” Hays stood and extended her hand. “Time for that tour.”

  It was hard for Auden to pay attention to the house, although it was beautiful. The problem was, Hays was even more arresting. Her dark hair was disheveled from their lovemaking and fell onto her face in a distractingly charming way, her shirttail hung loosely outside her trousers, and the top two buttons of her shirt were open enough to afford Auden a tantalizing glimpse of her breasts from time to time. Apparently, being in love caused the majority of brain cells to malfunction, because all Auden could think about was being in bed with Hays and pleasing her the way she herself had been pleased.